(originally published in june 2026 via ao3)
Dorothea Arnault knows trouble when she sees itâor hears it, which is often the more likely scenario. Problems come wrapped in all kinds of innocuous little phrases: the infamous âwe need to talk,â the deceptively blithe âIâm fineâ that sheâs partial to herself, and the dread-inducing âwhat are we?â to name a few. There are a million ways to drop a proverbial bombâand Sylvain Gautier, sheâs come to learn, has the uncanny ability to wreak havoc every time he opens his pretty mouth.
âThis is gonna sound crazy,â he startsâan unnecessary preamble, because she never expects sanity from him, âbut I need to ask you a huge favor.â
She lingers on the threshold between the bathroom and master bedroom, leaning against the doorjamb and fiddling with one of the buttons on her shirt. Sylvainâs shirt, in truthâbut heâs been without it for the past hour, and she doesnât make a habit of waltzing naked around his apartment any more than she has to. Much to his disappointment.
âI shouldâve known,â she rumbles. âYou were far too accommodating today.â She shivers thinking about said accommodation, a faint echo of what she experienced not five minutes ago. His lips pressed to her inner thigh, her fingers rooted in his hair as she arched her back against the bedâwhere Sylvain is sprawled out now, glowing like he always does after one of their sessions. From where she stands she can admire every frustratingly flawless inch of him: long muscled limbs, freckled skin, mussed red hair.
âSlander!â he says, all melodrama. âDo I not always put your pleasure first, Thea? Am I not the perfect gentleman when it comes to⊠well, making sure you coââ
âJust get to the point,â she cuts in, more nerves underpinning her voice than should be reasonable. Probably because Sylvain so rarely asks anything of her outside the bedroom.
He rolls to a seat, picking his phone up from the bedside table and scrolling through it like a man on a mission. Dorothea steps closer, perching herself on the edge of the bed, smoothing a hand over the still-warm sheets. âRight,â he says, sounding distracted. âSo thereâs this thing my parents keep nagging me aboutâŠâ
His parentsâthe elusive and obscenely wealthy Gautiers, whom Sylvain avoids talking about at all costs. More reason for Dorothea to be waryâespecially since Sylvain is oddly calm, like heâs made himself rehearse this pitch until he could recite it in the most blithe way possible. âHere.â He slips the phone into her hands, and Dorothea sees that itâs opened to an email. A very nice-looking email, featuring a looping script font and a gorgeous photo of a seaside cafe that she recognizes from travel magazines.
âThis is a wedding invitation,â she notes, though heâs clearly already aware of that. âA wedding inââ
âDerdriu, yeah.â
She looks up at him, already deducing what heâs going to ask. Already trying to figure out a way to refuse, because this is so out of the blue. âWhoâs the lucky couple?â she asks, trying not to let the shock show on her face. âI donât recognize the names.â
âNo one notable. Etienne Brennius is the son of one of my fatherâs longtime business partners. Iâve spoken to him twice, maybe.â
She smirks. âNot the most interesting guy, I take it?â
Sylvain shrugs. âHe could be. I just try to avoid anyone who has too strong a connection to my family, as you know.â
She does. Heâs never been particularly subtle about it. Itâs almost amusing how much contempt Sylvain has for Faerghan high society. Dorothea would find it more endearing if he didnât still benefit from being the heir to one of the most powerful companies north of the Oghma Mountainsâa fact sheâs had no qualms pointing out to him on a regular basis. She hands the phone back to him, folding her arms across her chest. âYet youâre going to this wedding, I presume?â
Sylvain scrunches his nose, clearly not pleased with the situation. âI tried to wriggle my way out of it, believe me. But my dad is insistingâsomething about how itâs well past time his notoriously cavalier son starts behaving. Making better connections, as it were.â
Connections. She can see where this is going. âMm, rightâŠâ She scoots closer, meeting his half-lidded eyes. The late morning sunlight is streaming in at a perfect angle, making his vibrant curls shine even brighter. âAnd whatâs any of this got to do with me?â She reaches out to tease his fringe, fingers drawing a line down his cheek. âLast I checked, Iâm not the best person at getting you to behave.â
He grins, leaning in. âI mean, you are, in a sense.â His gaze flicks away, lashes fluttering before he straightens up. âIt wonât do for me to go aloneâpeople will talk. I need a plus-one. Someone who can sell the illusion that Sylvain Gautier is capable of doing what his family expects of him and settle down.â
Dorothea laughs, if only to hide the fact that his proposition scares her more than it should. âThat sounds like a job for a professional.â
He raises his eyebrows, not needing to say anything more. The smug bastard already looks so certain that this is an offer she canât refuse. And sheâs leaning towards accepting, if for nothing else but morbid curiosityâa dangerous thing to indulge in around Sylvain. Part of why their arrangement works so well is because she never tries to dive too deep into the mess that is his personal life. Heâs a train wreck best observed at a distance; a drug meant to be taken in small, discreet doses.
âWhat happens if I say no?â she asks.
His easy expression flickers. âI donât have a backup, if thatâs what youâre wondering. And like I said, people will talk.â
âPeople always talk,â she fires back. âYouâve never cared before. What are you really trying to avoid?â
He groans, and she celebrates the small victory. âYouâre relentless, Thea.â He takes a deep breath. âMy fatherâs judgment aside, my mother will take my singlehood as permission to introduce me to every eligible woman at this stupid event.â
An amused smile stretches across Dorotheaâs face. âBut you love meeting women, Sylvain.â
He scoffs, struggling to keep his composure. Good. âNot these women. All they care about isââ
âPrestige and money, I know,â she finishes for him. âYouâve only brought it up a thousand times.â And it gets on her nerves, frankly, how easily he dismisses any woman who shows remote interest in him. How itâs a crime for him to be reduced to little more than his name and his status, but when he does the same to someone else itâs a justified rebellion. âI suppose youâre the only person in the world who could possibly be disillusioned by it all.â
And there it is, staring her in the face: the reason why she doesnât go out of her way to immerse herself in the finer nuances of Sylvainâs life. The furrow in his brow, the hard set of his jaw; the signs of a storm swirling just beneath the surface, far too risky to disturb. Far too alluring.
âYou can think of it as sparing them the trouble of getting to know me, if thatâs easier,â he finally says.
Dorothea sighs, flopping down onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. âGood enough, I suppose.â She stretches her arms overhead in the same careless way sheâs watched him do the same. âAnd whatâs in it for me?â
A chuckle bubbles to his lips as he lowers down to join her. âYouâve always wanted to go to Derdriu, havenât you? Think of it as a free vacation.â He turns onto his side, fluttering his fingers over her arm. âAnd imagine all the single rich guys you could meet.â
âThe guys whoâll all be under the impression that Iâm attached to you?â
âWhich will only make them want you more,â he lilts. âOr at least want to know whatâs so extraordinary about the woman who could get me of all people to commit.â
She rolls over, smirking at him. âWell, when you put it like thatâŠâ
Sheâs all but decidedâif sheâs being honest, she made up her mind the moment she saw the invitation. How can she resist the thrill of it, the opportunity to do what she does best and play pretend? All thatâs left to contend with is the tiny voice in the back of her head, the remnants of her common sense that sheâs gotten very good at muffling whenever Sylvain is around. This is far from their usual fare of casual hookups and chance encountersâwho knows what could happen?
As good of an actress as she is, she doesnât trust herself not to fall for her own trick. Or maybe that risk is exactly what pushes her over the edge.
âWhen do we leave?â
â
Sylvain canât remember the last time he was in Derdriu; now that heâs back in the city, heâs pondering the possibility of never leaving. The southern stretch of the Whitehorn Sea is as brilliantly blue as ever, the midsummer weather is a balm compared to Enbarrâs oppressive humid heat, and the fresh fish is to die for. Itâs a shame his date doesnât appreciate the latter, but two out of three isnât terrible.
âYou sure you donât want to try this?â he asks Dorothea, nudging his plate of mostly-eaten whitefish sautĂ© in her direction. âItâs their signature dish.â
âBut does it pair well with the wine?â she teases, swirling the final few sips of her rich red port before bringing it to her upturned lips. The Leicester sun looks good on her, a gentle breeze tousling her hair. Sheâs swapped out her usual crimson wardrobe for a softer palette of white and true blue, opting for linen over silk. The wide brim of her hat makes for a striking silhouette.
âHere, letâs snap a picture,â he says, rising from the table and taking her by the hand, leading her towards the railing that overlooks Derdriuâs famous bay. Dorothea cozies up next to him like itâs second nature, flashing an effortless smile as Sylvain positions them in the frame.
Anyone watching would assume theyâre a pair of lovers. Not that they need to fool anyone at this bistroâbut he likes the idea of it, the thrill of the game. And heâs smart enough not to squander a luxurious weekend spent with Dorothea Arnault, an opportunity plenty of men would kill for.
Itâs a short walk back to their hotel; Sylvainâs heart skips a beat when he spots their intended audience speaking with one of the receptionists.
âParents at two o'clock,â he says.
Dorothea follows his gaze at the same time she reaches for his hand, entwining their fingers. âShowtime?â
He tilts his head down, inhaling her perfume. She makes this so easy. âJust like we practiced,â he purrs. They kissâa casual affair with the slightest hint of masked passion, like he does this every day. Like he wants to do this every day for the rest of his life, like heâs in a perpetual state of aching for more. He fits all this sentiment into a chaste press of their mouths and the tiniest nip of his teeth at her bottom lip, a tease before they part.
Maybe itâs unnecessary meticulousnessâhis parents have never been the romantic types, so he doubts theyâll be paying much attention to the display. All that matters is that they see him looking invested. He exchanges one last smile with Dorothea before turning to the approaching couple, greeting them with a cheerful wave.
âMom, Dad. Glad you both made it.â
His father is as stoic as ever, though thereâs an inquisitive glint in his eyes. His mother wears a polite but detached smile. âWe should be saying that to you, Sylvain,â she says. âI seem to recall it took some convincing to get you here.â She holds her arms out, and he realizes heâs meant to hug her. Thatâs rare, but he indulges her.
âWell, lifeâs been busy,â Sylvain replies, not missing the pointed look his father is directing at Dorothea. âI had to shift some things around to make the timing work. But I figured it would be an excellent opportunity to introduce you to my girlfriend.â He loops an arm around said girlfriendâs waist, pulling her an inch closer. âThis is Dorothea Arnault.â
âPleased to meet you both,â she says without missing a beat, bowing her head.Â
âMatthias Gautier,â his father offers, shaking her hand.
His mother opts for a half-hearted wave. âAmelie. The pleasure is all mine.â Nothing about her expression suggests sheâs pleased. âQuite the surprise, though.â
Sylvain cracks a smile. âYou know me. Always full of surprises.â
She gives him a critical look, the same one sheâd wear when he was a boy and he was trying to convince her that heâd finished all his schoolwork. His father is more difficult to read. âHow long have the two of you beenâŠâ He hesitates, clearing his throat, buying himself time to find the proper words. âSeeing each other?â he settles on.
Their confusion is a testament to just how uncommon an occurrence this is. Itâs far too amusing, a small taste of powerâmaybe Sylvain shouldâve done this sooner. He turns to Dorothea with an apologetic expression. âThree months, I believeâŠ?â Not quite the number they agreed on, but no one expects him to be on top of things. Better to play into that.
âFour, as of last week,â Dorothea corrects with a smirk.Â
âThatâs a new record, I think,â his mother comments, letting out a clipped laugh. âOnly joking, of course.â
She isnât, and both he and Dorothea know it.
âWhat do you do for work?â his father asks. âAnd how did the two of you meet?â
Sylvain heaves a sigh. âAnd the interrogation begins.â
âIâm only curious.â
Skeptical, more like it. Sylvain is well aware of his parentsâ criteria for acceptable partnersâand as brilliant as Dorothea is, she falls short by several of their metrics. Taunting them is part of the fun, though heâd refrained from telling Dorothea that. He didnât think sheâd derive quite the same joy he did from his malicious compliance, especially when it could bring more judgement down on her.
âMaybe Sylvain has a point for once, dear,â his mother chimes in. âThere will be plenty of time to get the full story at dinnerâwhich we ought to start getting ready for, as it happens.â
Matthias Gautier checks his watch with a frown. âSo soon?â
Amelie rolls her eyes. âLooking our best takes time, you know that.â Her gaze flicks toward Dorothea with a sweet hum. âMiss Arnault understands what I mean, surely.â
A delightful giggle bubbles to Dorotheaâs lips. âOh, very much. I have to do half of Sylvainâs work for him, after all.â
That one stings, but it seems to win his mother over. âHey, give me some credit,â he protests.
Dorothea pouts, coy as ever. âI said half, didnât I?â
He meets her gaze, nerves surging with more ferocity than heâd prepared for. Dorotheaâs steady stare grounds him, the knowing smile on her lips a reminder that this is their game, their rules. He wouldnât want anyone else sharing this ruse with him. Sheâs in her element, both as an actress and as a woman whoâs had to entertain her fair share of aristocratic patrons at Mittelfrank fundraisersâthe very place they met, in the fabricated version of their relationship.
Heâll want to go over the full plan with her one more time before they see his parents again, just to be safe. His fatherâs line of questioning will be predictable enoughâbasic facts, all surface-level. His mother is the wild card, but Dorothea reassured him that she could handle whatever curveballs they might throw at her. He can only hope sheâs right.
âSaints, look at them,â his mother says, as though on cue. âOff in their own world. Isnât young love sweet?â
Sylvain snaps back to the conversation, eyes darting between his parents. âSorry. Long travel day. Still a bit out of it from the flight.â
âSo long as youâve gotten it out of your system by the evening,â his father says. âIâll need you onââ
âBest behavior, of course,â Sylvain finishes for him. âI wouldnât have bothered coming if I thought Iâd be an embarrassment to the Gautier name, would I?â He knows itâs too much the moment he says it. Not that he expected to start this trip off on anything but thin ice.
His father takes a deep breath, lending an ominous pause to an already foreboding conversation. âI trust youâre mature enough now to know whatâs appropriate.â
Even his mother looks uneasy at that. âWell. On that cheerful note, we should really be off. Lovely meeting you, Dorothea. Looking forward to chatting later.â
âLikewise!â Dorothea says with a smile, bidding them goodbye.
They head for the east elevators, Sylvainâs hand staying on the small of her back until the doors slide open with a bright chime. Even then he lets his touch linger on her shoulder, a nagging instinct telling him not to break character.
âNot bad for a first encounter, I think,â Dorothea says, looking to him for confirmation. Her eyes are less confident than her tone.
âYou did great,â he says.Â
âI barely did anything. And we still have plenty to get through.â
Sylvain chews his bottom lip, replaying their encounter in his head. âJust⊠be yourself,â he tells her, more to fill the silence than anything. Another chime announces their floor. âThatâll be more than enough. Itâs my head on the chopping block either way.â
âBit of a morbid metaphor, donât you think?â
He fishes the room key out of his pocket. Whatâs he supposed to say to that? Dorothea knows he isnât particularly close to his parents, but he doesnât see a reason to dig into the issue any further. He promised her a fun weekend; unpacking his rocky childhood is the opposite of fun.
âSylvain?â
He blinks and finds himself lingering in the suite foyer, Dorothea suddenly ahead of him. Concern is written all over her face.
He tries to relax, unclenching his jaw. âWhatâs up?â
She takes a step closer. âAre you alright?â
Not at all. âTotally,â he says, slipping past her and into the living room. âNever better.â He hasnât the energy to sound convincing; sheâs already skeptical, anyway.
âYou can be honest with me, you know,â she tries, her voice not far behind. âIâd rather you get it out of your system than let it simmer and ruin your night.â
Sylvain lets out a clipped laugh that resembles his motherâs far more than heâd like it to. âAnd Iâd rather not dump all my problems on you, Thea.â He slumps down onto the couch, reaching for the remote. âOnly a real girlfriend should have to deal with that.â
She slides into his lap, straddling his hips, fingers curling around his wrist before he can hit the power button.
âThere are other ways to loosen you up,â she murmurs, guiding his hand to her waist, resting her forearms on his shoulders so she can lean in. Sylvainâs breath hitches as she drops further into a whisper that tickles the shell of his ear, sending a wave of goosebumps over his skin. âDealerâs choice.â
And just like that his mind is a blank slate, every distracting thought leaving him in blissful silence. He draws Dorothea into a kissâno need to hide the passion nowâhis tongue parting her lips as he rolls her hips forward. Muscle memory kicks in, their bodies following the opening steps of a familiar dance. Any reservations heâd harbored in the past ten minutes are thrown out the window, all doubts about their plan rendered irrelevant.
This will make it all worth it.
â
As far as acting gigs go, playing Sylvainâs girlfriend is one of the easier roles Dorotheaâs taken on. Even so, she canât help wondering if he would've been better off attending alone. Derdriu is a dream, and sheâll never scoff at an open barâbut considering the point of their ruse, she isnât sure her presence is helping Sylvainâs case as much as heâd hoped it would.Â
Their conversation with Sylvainâs parents could have gone better. Matthias and Amelie Gautier were civil enough, but theyâd clearly researched Dorotheaâs name and come to the rehearsal dinner prepared to grill both her and Sylvain, with the latter bearing the brunt of their scrutiny. Being in a relationship wasnât enough, apparently; the longer they spoke, the clearer it became that Dorothea didnât live up to the strict expectations the Gautiers had for their son.
She felt like she was being interviewed for a job she had zero qualifications for and didnât even want. Each question was less about getting to know Dorothea as a person and more a measurement of her accomplishments. They were impressed by her success in the opera, though neither seemed particularly interested in the art itself. Amelie made a comment about how exhausting fame sounded, not so much out of concern but as a potential inconvenience (âYour security bill must be hefty.â) Matthias was a man of few words when he wasnât asking about her career prospects, but his intense expression didnât inspire confidence. Things got particularly awkward when Dorotheaâs familyâor the lack thereof, ratherâcame up.
âWould it be too hasty to stage our breakup during the reception?â she jokes once the ordeal is over, wistfully eyeing her drained wine glass.
âWhy waste good theater on people who wonât appreciate it?â Sylvain quips back, though the tension hasnât quite dissipated from his voice.
âI suppose we could wait a couple weeks before cutting this doomed love story short,â she says, placing a hand on his arm and smiling when the muscle relaxes beneath her fingers. Their relationship may be fake, but her ability to calm him down with a touch is real and satisfying.
He heaves a sigh. âGo mingle. You deserve it.â
She does, and she wants to, yet something makes her hesitate. Sylvain is acting in ways sheâs never seenâan understandable change, considering the context. Heâs notoriously tight-lipped about his past, which makes it all the more surprising that heâs thrown her into the thick of it, regardless of motive. It makes her wonder if heâs going to push her away the minute they get back, whether this trip is going to dissolve whatever nebulous bond theyâve formed over the past year. A small loss, practically speaking, but the possibility saddens her regardless.
âUnless you need something else?â he asks when she fails to respond, giving her a pointed look.
She shakes her head. âJust another drink.â
Sylvain smiles, the first real display of relief sheâs seen since this event started. It warms her heart more than it should; maybe itâs the alcohol. âGood.â He curls an arm around her waist and tugs her closer, planting a quick kiss to her temple before releasing her. âDonât have too much fun without me, alright?â
âI would never,â she replies with a melodramatic gasp. She makes for the bar and orders a glass of wine, settling onto a stool and observing the crowd. The resort theyâre staying at is one of the oldest venues in Derdriu, dating back centuries. Chandeliers hang from the ballroomâs domed ceiling; if she closes her eyes, she can picture the generations of aristocrats dancing circles around the floor, a legacy of decadence. A grand history of exclusion and wealth-hoarding. Yet here she is, enjoying it all. Eat the rich, as they say.
People-watching at parties like these has become a hobby of sorts for Dorothea, the natural consequence of working in a field that has her entertaining patrons off-stage almost as much as on it. She admiresâor scrutinizesâtheir fashion choices from afar, cooking up life stories that are probably ten times more interesting than the truth.
Or, as is the case right now, she can watch as Amelie Gautier marches up to Sylvain with a pretty young womanâblonde, petite, dolled up in a modest but flattering periwinkle numberâin tow, making introductions.
Saints, that didnât take long. Was this not the very situation heâd wanted to avoid?Â
âIs this seat taken?â
Dorothea looks up to find a man with jet-black hair and an equally dark suit standing at the barârelatively young-looking, maybe around Sylvainâs age. Heâs attractive in a subdued way, good bone structure with no standout features. Long lashes, thoughâa weakness of hers.
âBy you, it sounds like,â she replies with a smile.
The stranger lets out an amused chuckle. âThank you.â He slides onto the stool beside her, setting a fresh old-fashioned down on the counter. Good taste in liquor, too. âHowâs the evening treating you?â
She rests her cheek in her hand, tilting her head in a way she knows makes her look innocent, playful. âWell enough. I donât really know anyone at this wedding, but Iâm always happy to meet new people.â
âMe too. Whose plus-one are you?â
Everyone here puts great value on who knows who, it seems. âSylvain Gautier was kind enough to invite me.â
The man raises his eyebrows. âShit, is he engaged?â
âJust dating,â she says, raising a hand to show her ringless finger. âDo you know him?â
âLoosely. Our fathers are acquainted. But I do knowâŠâ
âThat itâs rare for him to stick around in a relationship long enough to bring anyone to an event like this?â she finishes for him.
âMore or less,â he says. Then, raising his hands up: âNot that Iâm trying to insinuate anything untowards.â
Sheâs pretty sure he is, but she can hardly blame him. Sylvain was rightâpresenting herself to the world as his girlfriend has made her all the more intriguing. Hardly the deterrent sheâd worried it might be.
âI suppose I should introduce myself,â the man continues, holding out a hand. âIâm Connor Pryderi.â
His name rings a bell, but she doesnât know much else about the family. âDorothea Arnault. Nice to meet you.â
Thereâs a spark of recognition in Connorâs eyes. âWait. Dorothea Arnault? As in the singer?â
She responds with a facetious groan. âUgh, no, itâs just a coincidence. I really should get around to changing my nameâŠâ
He gives her a discerning look. âYouâre fucking with me,â he says, bashful. âI recognize you from the pictures, now that I think about it.â
Dorothea entertains second thoughts for a brief moment; being identified doesnât always go well for her. But she can feel it out. Itâll be easy enough to bail if the guy turns out to be a little too interested in her celebrity status. âAre you a fan?â she hazards.
âA casual kind,â he says, as though reading her mind. âI caught a show of yours when I was in Enbarr a couple years ago.â
âAh, when I was starring in Tosca. That was such a fun production.â
âAnd your performance was brilliant, of course.â He fidgets in his seat, gaze drifting to his glass. A bit starstruck, maybe. âSylvain would be dating a celebrity,â he mutters, furrowing his brow. âWhat do his parents think of that?â
Her mouth twists. Sheâs in no rush to rehash the awkward encounter she just had, but maybe she can use it to her advantage. âWell⊠The juryâs still out.â
Connor still hasnât looked back at her, instead fixating on something in the crowd. Reigning in her annoyance, Dorothea follows the trajectory of his gaze to find Sylvain still talking to the girl sheâd seen him with before this conversation started. His mother is facilitating what sheâs sure is an awkward first meeting.
âOuch,â Connor breathes, air hissing through his teeth. âLooks like Mama Gautier is being her usual overbearing self.â
Dorothea takes a sip of her wine. She can feign upset well enough, but right now hers is frustratingly close to authentic. She knows how selective these families can be, how important wealth and prestige are to themâand she shouldnât care, shouldnât let Sylvainâs problems become her own when she already has plenty to worry about. But empathy seizes her with all the stubbornness of a lingering cold, refusing to be brushed aside. Thereâs also her pride to contend with, her contempt for entitlement burning as brightly as ever.
She has a terrible habit: being told she canât have something only makes her want it more. This apparently applies to things sheâs never wanted before and has never intended to crave. Dammit.
âSorry,â Connor says, picking up on her sour mood. âItâs her loss, Iâm sure.â
âIâll deal with it later,â Dorothea shoots back, waving her hand through the air. âThis is a party. We should have fun.â She glances up at Connor, fluttering her lashes. âPlease, tell me more about you.â
A sly smile stretches across his face, a small but welcome victory. âGladly.â
â
Sylvain is two drinks deep. The first got him through a painful conversation with his parents; the second, he hopes, will get him through his motherâs retaliation.
He remembers the girlâs name, at least; he owes her that much, considering sheâs little more than a pawn in someone elseâs game. He has a knack for feigning interest and maintaining small-talk no matter how disinterested he is, though heâs certain his mother can see past his false smile.
âVery subtle, Mom,â he says once the conversation comes to a gratifying end and the girl is mercifully out of earshot.
âI simply want my son to know he has options,â his mother says, showing no signs of remorse.
âAnd what was wrong with the option I already picked?â
She narrows her eyes. âPicked? Was there a ring on her finger I missed?â
As if that matters. He knows this would be an issue regardless. âWeâve only been dating for three months.â
âFour.â
Sylvain rolls his eyes. âCould you just answer my question? I thought you and Dad would be happy for me.â Itâs only a half-lieâmore a hope that he might be able to make a decision for himself without being criticized to high heaven. A test to see the true extent of his parentsâ control, pushing until he knows the exact bounds of his cageâwhich are disappointingly small, apparently.
âIâm happy that youâre showing some growth,â his mother finally says.
âYou just want to guide the direction Iâm growing in, I take it,â he grumbles. âLike Iâm one of those ridiculous topiaries in your garden.â Which makes Dorothea a weed, in her eyesâdetermined but unwanted, in need of uprooting before she takes over everything. âAm I wrong?â
His mother wrinkles her nose. âI donât want to have this argument with you right now.â
In public, she means. Because image is all his family cares about. âHow about we donât have it at all?â he says, barely keeping his temper in check. âDorothea is my girlfriend, and I wonât be considering anyone else for the foreseeable future. End of story.â His heart is racing, far more erratic than it ought to be. He scans the crowd for nothing in particular, certain only that he needs an escape. He takes a sip of his drink to calm down, even though he knows that more alcohol will only make this problem worse.
âSheâs at the bar.â
His motherâs voice sounds far away, even though she hasnât moved an inch, still hovering right by his shoulder. Inescapable. He battles confusion for a brief moment before turning to the bar in question. Dorothea is sitting by the counter, nursing another glass of wine while a vaguely familiar man chats her up. Mingling, just like heâd suggested. Having fun, laughingâseeing her enjoying herself puts him at ease, at least.
âThatâs Connor Pryderi,â his mother offers. âYou were classmates in prep school, remember?â
âSure,â Sylvain murmurs. His memory is spotty, but he doesnât recall anything unsavory about the guy. That couldâve changed in the years sinceâbut Dorothea seems charmed. Sylvain wants to know everything about Pryderi now, to make sure she isnât getting herself into a bad situation.
âThey seem to be hitting it off,â his mother says with an infuriatingly suggestive lilt. Itâs not hard to figure out what sheâs insinuating, even if she doesnât have the full story.
âSheâs a sociable gal, as Iâm sure you noticed,â Sylvain replies.
âYes, her type always is.â
âSaintsââ He bites back a sharper curse. âI get it, you donât like her. Iâm sure Dad feels the same way. But I draw the line at baseless accusations.â
His mother lets out a beleaguered sigh. âTheyâre hardly baseless.â She turns Sylvain around to face her, her expression grave. Thereâs a chance, however slim, that sheâs actually worried about him. âI want you to be careful, Sylvain,â she continues. âDorothea Arnault is an orphan. She grew up with nothing; she has no guarantee that her fame will last. And now she just happens to be dating the heir to Gautier Industries? How lucky for her.â
Sylvain chews his lip. Of course this has occurred to him; he wishes he could make it stop occurring to him. But Dorothea isnât actually his girlfriend, so itâs a moot point. Why does it still hurt to see her flirting with another guy, to think about her as yet another woman hellbent on marrying into money? As paradoxical as it is, he brought her here so she could find someone capable of giving her what she wants, whoâs ideally not an asshole either. Heâs letting her use himâjust like heâs using her to get his parents off his back, which ironically isnât working one bit.
Is that why heâs casually hoping Connor Pryderi turns out to be yet another disappointing date? So he and Dorothea can both miss out on what they want for the umpteenth time? So he can swoop in and alleviate her misery the only way he knows how, and feel like heâs at least good for something?
âIs it such a far-fetched concept that two people could like each other for who they are, instead of what they bring to the table?â he asks, surprised by his own words.
His mother looks amused, of all things. âI didnât know you were such a romantic, Sylvain.â Her voice is dripping with condescension, a dash of disbelief that Sylvain still hasnât accepted the fundamental tragedy of his life. What else do you have to offer aside from your name and your status? Even his own mother thinks heâs unloveable. Same as usual.
âI didnât either,â he says, making for the exit without a second thought. His mother doesnât stop himâwhich probably means sheâs going to be setting up more introductions tomorrow, completely unaffected by his reluctance.
Itâs a short journey back to his room, where he proceeds to kick off his shoes and strip down to his dress shirt and boxers. He plops down on the couch and starts scrolling through reels on his phone, needing a distraction.
Itâs either been ten minutes or an hour when the door to the suite opens and Dorotheaâs slurred voice stirs him from his social media trance.
âSylâŠ?â
He hops up and skips back to the foyer, watching as she wobbles inside. âHey,â he greets, taking her hands in his to make sure she doesnât trip. âYou alright?â
âYou left me,â she says with a teasing pout.
That gets a small chuckle out of him, the smallest lift in his mood. âI didnât want to interrupt your conversation with Connor Pryderi. Or did you need rescuing?â
Her cheeks redden. She slips out of her heels, though it doesnât really improve her stability. âNo. He was a gentleman.â
Sylvainâs chest tightens. âYet youâre here.â
âThis is where my boyfriend is,â she says, matter-of-fact. âI canât leave my actual date high and dry, can I? Especially after your plan failed so utterly.â
He clicks his tongue, his own face warming. âI meanâŠâ
Dorothea meets his eyes and speaks more clearly, not as drunk as sheâd seemed when she first came in. âI saw your mother trying to offer alternatives after I left. Kinda difficult to miss.â
Of course she did. âYeah,â he breathes, running a hand through his hair. âSorry about that.â
âNo need to apologize to me,â she says as she walks towards the bedroom, urging him to follow with a lazy wave. âIâm sure it was more of an inconvenience to you.â
She strides past the bed and opens a set of double doors that lead out onto a small balcony. Refreshing night air floods into the room, ruffling her wispy dark curls. Sheâs wearing a little red halter dress that hugs her irresistible figure in all the right places. Beyond her, Derdriuâs skyline is lit up in a myriad of colorsâby the buildings scattered across the hills curling around the bay, by the boats floating leisurely on the water. They halo Dorothea as she turns around, expectant. Smiling.
Sylvainâs heart skips a beat. How can she be so effortlessly beautiful? He joins her, resting his elbows on the balcony railing. His momentary amazement dissipates, the thread of their conversation finding its way back into his distractible mind. âDoes it not still hurt?â he asks. Dorothea has had to swallow her dignity far too many times, he knows that. And here he is, throwing her into yet another situation where sheâs being judged and assessed by entitled, controlling people.
âWhy would it hurt?â she murmurs, eyes on the city.
âBecause pretend or no, the end result is someone wrongly believing youâre not good enough. And you donât deserve that.â
She lets out a mirthless laugh. ââWrongly.â Youâre sweet.â
âHeyââ
âLetâs not dwell on it, alright? I understood what might happen when I agreed to be your date.â She sweeps her arm out in front of her, her earlier smile now strained. âLook at how gorgeous this view is.â
Itâs a marvel, true, but Sylvainâs attention lingers on Dorothea. Moments like these make him acutely aware of how similar the two of them are, against all odds: the way she deflects, the way she sets her own feelings aside. Guilt hits him again; for putting her in this position, for breaking one of their core rules and wonderingânot for the first time, if heâs being honestâwhat it might be like to actually date her, to make this real. It would be such a small step from where they are, wouldnât it? Or is he just stuck on the thought because itâs the opposite of what his parents want?
âWait,â Dorothea starts, her tone shifting into something veering on excitement. âIs thatâŠ?â She points to one of the piers, a bustling boardwalk lined with shops and culminating in a ferris wheel at the edge of the water. âThatâs where they filmed the final scene of The Riegan Proposal, isnât it?â
âOh. Yeah, it is.â Itâs been a while since he watched it, but itâs stuck with himâand a lot of other peopleâas a particularly iconic movie kiss. Heâs sure there are plenty of couples down there now, itching to recreate their own cinematic moment.
âMaybe I can swing by and get a picture before we leave,â she muses. Sylvain lets out a contemplative humâwhich turns into a surprised chirp when Dorothea pivots around and claps her hands on either side of his face. âYouâre in a mood.â
And sheâs gone through several in the past few minutes. Heâs starting to lose track. âGee, I wonder why.â
She watches him closely, hands sliding down to the sides of his neck, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. Thereâs a charge in the air, making his skin hyper-sensitive to the light press of her fingertips; he canât stop looking at her mouth, the dark crimson lipstick thatâs faded into a softer shade over the course of the evening. He should shut this downâhis mindâs all over the place, too many dangerous ideas swirling around in his head. Instead he tempts fate by reaching forward to cradle her jaw, running the pad of his thumb along her lower lip.
âI feel like Iâm meeting someone new tonight,â she says, her arms dropping to hang at her sides.
âYeah? Is it really that bad?â
Dorothea shakes her head. âNot bad. Just different.â She strolls back inside, letting her silence simmer, and starts to unclasp her dress. Sylvain perches himself on the edge of the bed, turned away to give her privacyâdespite the fact that she didnât ask, and heâs seen her naked countless times, this afternoon included.
But heâs thinking about what she said, about meeting someone new. Somehow the Dorothea undressing behind him isnât the same one he had lunch with, isnât the woman heâs been fooling around with for ages. Heâs let her past some invisible wall by bringing her on this trip, and the result isnât what he expected.
âAre you gonna sleep sitting up like that?â she asks, drifting into his field of vision, her face washed free of makeup and her curves lost beneath the voluminous folds of an oversized tee. âColor me impressed.â
âWait,â he says, narrowing his eyes. âThatâs my shirt youâre wearing. Iâve been wondering where it went.â
She blinks in surprise, glancing down at herself. âHave you? Donât you have five others just like it?â
âNot in that color.â
âSorry,â she says. âYou left it at my place ages ago. Iâm pretty sure I texted you about it, but you never responded.â Her lips curl into a smile, eyes lighting up with mischief; she reaches for the shirt hem and teases the fabric up no more than an inch, brows raised. âShould I give it back now?â
Sylvain snorts, starting to unbutton the shirt heâs currently wearing. âMaybe just toss it in my suitcase before we leave.â
She shrugs and crawls onto the bed, peeling the covers back and getting comfortable. As sheâs whacking her pillow into the exact right configuration of fluffiness, she says, âI really am sorry your plan backfired, Sylvain.â
âThere are worse things.â He leans back, staring up at the ceiling. âIâm not a kid anymore. At the end of the day, who I marryâif I even get marriedâis my choice. My parents canât make it for me, no matter how much they seem to think so.â
âYeah, but⊠It would be nice if they were supportive.â She curls up into a satisfied ball, another pillow squeezed between her arms. âHave they always been like that?â
âOverbearing and elitist? Pretty much.â He rolls onto his side, facing Dorothea. Thereâs a spark of curiosity in her eyes, a shared understanding that he isnât the type to tell stories like this. Usually something stops him, an involuntary reflex halting the words in his throat. It kicked in earlier today, right after heâd introduced her to his parents. Now, thoughâmaybe because sheâs seen the source of his misery for herself, and he canât erase the events of today from her memoryâthe instinct is gone. âBut they raised me, made sure I always had a roof over my headâŠâ He pauses, remembering who heâs talking to. âI meanânot that Iâm trying to rub it in orââ
âIâm not a kid anymore either, Sylvain,â she cuts in. âYou donât need to walk on eggshells with me because of circumstances I left behind ages ago.â
Circumstances that could easily become her reality again if the world is cruel enough. Sheâs an orphan. She has no guarantees her fame will last.
âAs much as I worry about the future, or about getting older,â she continues, as uncharacteristically candid as heâs being tonight, âI think Iâll be okay. I have options. Skills. A good network.â
He scoffs. âTell that to my mother.â
âShe does seem to act like sheâs living in a different century, doesnât she?â Dorothea asks, her tone sardonic. âImpeccable taste in jewelry, though.â
âCareful,â he says with an exaggerated shudder. âYouâll make her stronger.â
Dorothea giggles, the bubbly sound muffled against her pillow. âAnyway. I was thinking about it tonight, and itâs been on my mind more and more latelyâthat at the end of the day, married or no, I want to be happy. A relationship isnât required for that.â
âHm. Having a partner who could make you happy and happens to be loaded would still be a good bonus though, right?â
âWell, obviously.â
Itâs nice to hear that the former is more important to her, though. âI like that,â he says. âWanting to just be happy. Youâd be surprised how many people donât choose that when they have the option. I know my mother didnât.â
âJust your mother?â
He swallows. Does he really want to get into this right before bed? But heâs already gotten this far, so⊠âMy fatherâs been married twice. His first wife was the love of his lifeâthatâs what Iâve been told, anyway. But she died tragicallyâdrunk driver. Apparently he was never the same after. Itâs why heâs soâŠâ Cold? Unfeeling? Relentless? âWithdrawn,â he settles on.
Dorothea goes still beside him. âThatâs⊠heartbreaking.â
âSometimes it doesnât matter what you choose, I guess,â he murmurs.
âI wasnât talking about your father, though,â Dorothea says. âI was talking about you.â
He scrunches his nose. âMe? Iâm plenty happy. Do you think Iâd go to all the trouble of avoiding responsibility if it wasnât fun?â
She heaves a sigh. âThatâs not the same thing.â
âEnlighten me, then,â he says.
âWell, youâre clearly not happy right now. You wouldnât be bothering with this whole charade if you were.â
He closes his eyes. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that he is happy right now, in this exact moment. Even if this conversation is difficult, a testament to everything thatâs wrong with him and his stupid life, he feels like a weightâs been lifted from his shoulders. Like he can breathe properly for the first time. Funny how that happens.
âIâm glad youâre here, though,â he tells her. âIâm glad I didnât have to face my parents alone. And that you get to see how beautiful Derdriu is.â The positives outweigh the negatives by far.
âThatâs a good start, I suppose,â Dorothea mumbles, the exhaustion evident in her voice.
It is. Sylvain just wishes he had any clue about what comes next.
chapter 2:
(don't you) pin your heart on my sleeve
Dorothea is surprised by the mixed signals sheâs been getting from Sylvain; she understands that she shouldnât be, since he invited her to a wedding, but what can she say? Denial is one hell of a drug. Itâs a necessary safety net, too, considering sheâs dealing with a notorious heartbreaker.
When she met Sylvain, over a year ago now, she wouldnât have made the mistake of thinking he could be serious boyfriend material. Sheâd heard rumors about the Gautier Industries heir, some that were serious enough to circulate through the same celebrity gossip blogs Dorothea infrequently ended up on. A tendency towards impulsive behaviorânever a good trait for a man with too much moneyâan Instagram account full of shameless thirst traps, and an ever-growing list of exes didnât just spell disasterâit wrote a whole damn book of them.
Sheâs never minded their relationship being casual; as much as she wants something serious, her work is busy enough and her standards high enough that dating rarely works out. And if thereâs one thing sheâs learned, itâs that rich friends are far more reliable to have around than rich romantic partners. Sheâs already got those bases covered with Edie, Hubie, and Ferdie, among othersâbut Sylvain brings something new to the table in the form of no-strings-attached sex. Heâs charming, heâs smart enough to keep up with her, heâs fun.
And right now Dorothea is dangerously close to falling for him. Dangerously close to ruining a good thing.
As she lays in one of the most comfortable beds sheâs ever slept on, in one of the most beautiful cities sheâs ever seen, she wonders what happened, how she missed the signs. How she became a frog sitting in a pot of water, oblivious to the slowly rising temperature, realizing sheâs boiling alive only when itâs too late to jump out. She tries to pinpoint the moment Sylvain began to change, when his decisions started to skew less towards idiotic and more towards thoughtful. Each small step that she didnât catch but subconsciously acknowledged, her brain rewiring itself to fit the narrative of no, this could be real, this could work.
âIâm plenty happy,â he says, despite the fact that heâs spent this whole day facing down his parentâs disapproval. Despite the fact that Dorothea has helped him cope with depressive episodes that come and go like clockwork, often in questionable ways. âDo you think Iâd go to all the trouble of avoiding responsibility if it wasnât fun?â
âThatâs not the same thing,â she says. He knows that, but he makes the argument anyway, as if she canât see right through him.
âEnlighten me, then.â
Sheâd make a joke about how she isnât his therapist, but she feels like she owes him. âWell, youâre clearly not happy right now. You wouldnât be bothering with this whole charade if you were.â How could he truly be happy when heâs lying to everyone, most of all himself?
How can she?
Sylvain doesnât answer for a while; she starts to think he might be asleep. Sheâs on the verge of passing out herself, sinking into the absurdly soft mattress and forgetting this entire day. Itâs the wisest option.
Then he says something that surprises her: âIâm glad youâre here, though. Iâm glad I didnât have to face my parents alone. And that you get to see how beautiful Derdriu is.â
Itâs a nice thought. Too nice. Itâs what Dorothea thinks about as her eyelids grow heavy, as she drifts off to the low rhythm of Sylvainâs breathing.
When she wakes up, the sun is streaming in through the window and his arms are around her, his face notched into the space behind her ear. All she has to do is survive today without getting any dumb ideas, and sheâs already struggling.
The wedding isnât until late afternoon, which means more time for sightseeing and less time dealing with Sylvainâs parents, much to their relief. They pick out landmarks on the opposite side of town to reduce their chances of an unwanted run-inâthe Failnaught Tower, the old Riegan Estate and its famous botanical gardens. It would serve as a good distraction if it werenât so suspiciously like a date. Thatâs what she gets for agreeing to visit FĂłdlanâs most romantic city with a man she doesnât love.
They eventually circle back around to the area around their hotel, another hour to spare before they get ready for the ceremony. As if she hasnât tempted fate enough, she suggests they check out the famous pier theyâd spotted from their balcony the night before. âItâs so close, we may as well,â she says with a shrug.Â
âWhatever thou wishest, milady,â Sylvain replies with a theatrical bow, a snort of laughter sneaking in. âA shame we donât have time to ride the ferris wheel, though.â
More like a blessing, she thinks. Itâs bad enough that the place is, as sheâd suspected, packed with couples taking all manner of cutesy photos by the waterâs edge. Derdriuâs savvy tourism industry has taken full advantage of its cinematic history, with rows of overpriced souvenir booths and food stalls selling themed snacks. Thatâs another kind of blessing, in a sense; nothing kills romance quite like the relentless march of capitalism.
âThis is worse than the Aegir Fountain,â Sylvain says. âWas The Riegan Proposal really that beloved?â
âI seem to recall you citing it as one of your favorite rom-coms,â Dorothea teases. âBut itâs still a cute spot, even ifââ
The words catch in her throat as Sylvainâs hand slips into hers without warning, his grip tight. She looks up to see him focused on something ahead, jaw clenched. âSylâŠ?â
She follows his gaze to the walkway near the pierâs entrance, where Sylvainâs parents happen to be strolling by. They donât seem to have noticed their son, but that doesnât seem to matter to Sylvain. He stands frozen, quiet, no facade of confidence like heâd worn the day before. What did his mother say to him at dinner?Â
âSylvain,â Dorothea repeats, placing her free hand on his arm. âAre you alright?â
âFine,â he mutters, though nothing about the way heâs acting backs that up. He shakes his head as though realizing this, his arm relaxing before he releases her, all the tension melting from his faceâbut itâs too little, too late. Sheâs seen more than enough. âItâs a little loud here, donât you think? And weâve been out and about for hours. Maybe itâs time to head back.â
Dorothea hums in agreement. âMaybe it is.â
Sylvain nodsâthen gets that distracted look in his eyes again, gaze sweeping across the boardwalk.Â
âWhat is it now?â she asks with a soft laugh; heâs all over the place today.
âIs this a place you would take someone you were actually dating?â he asks, a hint of skepticism in his voice. âLike, is it really that romantic to take a picture in the same place as hundreds of other couples?â
She laughs harder. She knows Sylvain is smartâbut when he says something like this, clearly under the spell of his latest cynical mood, he sounds very dumb. âIt doesnât need to be romantic. Just fun.â She shrugs. âI donât know. I suppose I might want to, if only to make something unique out of it. Cement the memory.â It depends on so many things; if it was him, she clearly wouldnât. But maybe heâd change his mind if the circumstances were different.
âSorry,â he sighs out. âIt was a stupid question. I justâŠâ
âHave no idea what itâs like to have a real girlfriend?â she hazards, half-joking.
He pouts. âYou donât need to say it out loud.â
âLetâs head back,â she says, shutting down the conversation before it becomes too revealing. She takes his hand in the most casual way she can manage, tugging him in the direction of their hotel. One more nightâthatâs all she has to get through before they can leave this city and its fantasy behind. Dorothea is the opposite of Cinderella, begging for midnight to arrive and free her from the false hope fluttering in her chest.
Tick-tock goes her heart, and she canât tell if itâs a clock marching forward or a bomb threatening to go off.
â
Sylvain knows itâs a cliche, that heâs falling into the most obvious trap possible: attending a wedding and convincing himself that this is something he could want, something he might even need. Itâs surely the realization his mother wanted him to have when she wrote him a month ago saying he had no excuse not to show up, that she was looking forward to seeing him with a respectable girl on his arm. How unfortunate for her that Sylvainâs definition of ârespectableâ varies drastically from hersâhe can take some small satisfaction from that.
The rest is an exercise in futility.
There was no question that Dorothea would look beautiful today. She looks beautiful every dayâhas since the moment she and Sylvain met, tipsy and impetuous at a New Yearâs party in downtown Enbarr. She was getting over a recent breakup; heâd just flown in from Fhirdiad, freshly cranky after spending the holidays with his family. It was the perfect storm.
Compared to that, today is more like a hurricane.
âI swear to the goddess, my mother rigged this.â
Dorothea lets out an inquisitive hum, her arm hooked with his. âRigged what, babe?â she asks, coy as ever.
âThe seating chart, obviously,â he says, motioning to the poster board set up by the venue entrance. âWeâre next to Valeriya Ifan and Elaine Duval at dinner.â Both women his mother introduced him to the night before. âI know sheâs friends with Etienneâs mother; she had the means to swap things around.â
âItâs a bit early for conspiracy theories, isnât it, darling?â Dorothea repliesâthatâs two pet names in a row, which means sheâs deep into her character. She steps around him and starts adjusting his tie, smoothing out his lapel. Her hair is pulled into an elegant bun, perfectly curled strands framing her face. In contrast to the dark red she wore yesterday, today sheâs opted for a floral print babydoll dress, the chiffon skirt swaying with each tiny move she makes. Her makeup is softer, less seductress and more⊠well, more âgirl you introduce to your parents.â As usual, she understood the assignment.
Just like she understands what he needs right now: a calming presence, a steady rhythm, grounding him in his body. âBesides,â she continues, âIâll be right there with you to fend off the suitors.â
âI really do owe you,â he says.
âDonât worry about it,â she replies, her expression pensive. Her fingertips land on his jaw, eyes flicking up to meet his. Carefully calculated, meticulously controlled. He reminds himself that this is a performance, that anything he feels right now is a result of getting caught up in the moment.
âGive me a kiss,â he murmurs without thinking. âFor good luck,â he tacks on, so she doesnât think heâs being needy. Whether he achieves that is up for debate.
Dorothea considers the request, lashes fluttering as her gaze drifts to his lips, eyes half-lidded as she leans in. The hand on his face slides up to his temple, glides briefly through his hair. He lets out a hum, stops it before it can turn into a moan. He has to stop himself from doing several things, like pulling her closer or pressing her back against the nearby wall, caging her in with his arms on either side of her waist, trailing his mouth down her throat. The vengeful part of his brain considers it, if for nothing more than to make sure his parents catch a glimpse, to show them what he thinks of their rules, and let them know that heâs willing to make a scene over it.
But none of that happens, which is for the best. âLetâs go get settled,â Dorothea says, gently patting him on the cheek.
They take their seats without much fanfare; the ceremony commences. Itâs not particularly long or interesting; Sylvain imagines heâd be more invested if heâd exchanged more than a handful of words with the groom over the entirety of their knowing each other. He applauds when heâs supposed to, doesnât laugh during any of the vows no matter how sickeningly sweet they sound. Dorothea coos over the bride as she walks down the aisle, and Sylvain pictures how she might look all dressed in white, like an angel come down to earth, what the view would be like if he were standing at the altar.
Wait, what?
He misses his cue to sit back down, long enough that Dorothea tugs his sleeve and gives him a puzzled look. His heart is in his throat; his suit jacket is too tight, too hot. Itâs an intrusive thought, he tells himselfâlike the morbid urge to jump in front of traffic or set a building on fire. No stranger than an awkward sex dream about the barista at his local cafe, except that heâs awake and should have better control over what his brain does. It means nothingâor it means everything, and if he ignores whatâs happening then heâs setting himself up for more of the usual misery.
Which is worse, he wonders: asking Dorothea to pretend to be his girlfriend, or asking her to pretend to be his girlfriend while also being secretly in love with her? It has to be the latter. It means heâs lying through omissionâasking her to kiss him under the pretense of keeping up a charade, upholding her end of a bargain. Claiming that he isnât getting anything out of it that they didnât already agree to. It means heâs the bad guy, once again, like always. He doesnât even bother with the hypothetical of Dorothea loving him back, because why would she? After everything sheâs seen?
Focusing on the main event helps distract him from catastrophizing. The bride and groom kiss, the crowd cheers, everyone is ushered off to dinner. Dorothea makes friendly conversation with Elaine and Valeriya, easing yet another one of Sylvainâs anxieties; he manages to chime in once or twice, certain sheâs noticed how quiet heâs been. After a long string of toasts, the bride and groom share their first dance, and he finally knows what to do.
âShall we?â he prompts, rising from his chair and holding a hand out to Dorothea.
âCertainly,â she replies with a coy smile, letting him pull her to her feet. âItâs only my favorite part of the evening.â
âMine, too,â he says, happy for the excuse to talk with her and no one else.
âI donât know,â Dorothea lilts. âYou seemed pretty enamored with the salmon meuniĂ©re.â
âDonât tell me youâre jealous of a fish? If youâd prefer I eat something else, I can certainlyââ
âI wouldnât finish that sentence, if I were you.â
Sylvain grins. This is good. Theyâre talking like they always do; things are normal. They step onto the dance floor and take up their positions, her hand on his shoulder and his on her waist. âOf course,â he promises. âBest behavior only.â
They ease into the music, finding a conversational rhythm. Simple steps, meditative, but Dorothea doesnât complain. Itâs been a long day, and thereâs still more of it yet. âAre you feeling better now?â she asks, her chin brushing his shoulder, her hair tickling his cheek.
âWell, weâve nearly survived the weekend,â he replies. But the night is young, and his parents have been suspiciously absent, aside from that brief moment on the pier. âHopefully saying that didnât just jinx it.â
âDid I not give you a good luck kiss earlier?â she asks with a protesting hum. âThat should be enough to cover us.â
So thatâs still on her mind. He tries not to read into the fact too much, even though heâs been caught in an overthinking spiral for the past hour, and arguably the entire trip. âFair point. Maybe we should do it again, just in case.â
She tilts her head back, smirking at him. âCareful. I might start to think youâre on a power trip, abusing boyfriend privileges like that.â
âOuchâŠâ He knows itâs a joke, but it aligns too well with his recent anxieties. âIf I say youâre free to abuse girlfriend privileges as much as you want, will that make it better?â
âThat depends,â she says, rolling her eyes. âWhat exactly are the privileges of being your girlfriend, Sylvain? So far it seems likeââ She catches herself, her voice rising beyond sarcasm and into genuine annoyance for an agonizing split-second. There are too many directions that clipped sentence could have gone in, assortments on assortments of possible meanings. Her mouth twists.
âSeems like what, Dorothea?â He doesnât mean to sound cynical, but old habits die hard. âLike Iâm far more trouble than Iâm worth?â
She looks at him with some combination of defiance and concern. But her voice softens, casual rather than argumentative. âMore like you donât have a clue what you want.â
That problem isnât new. Her saying it isnât new, an echo of her observation on the pier, how foreign relationships are to him. Itâs the way she says it thatâs vexing, like sheâs laying out a hidden truth he needs to decode. Sylvain slows down and Dorothea breaks out of their frame, closing what little distance remains between them and draping her arms around his neck.
âYou told me last night,â she murmurs. âYour family can complain all they want, but the choices you make are your own. So what was stopping you from coming here with someone you actually care about?â
Sylvainâs breath hitches. Theyâre treading on dangerous ground, but thereâs a thrill in it. He wants to see how hard he can push. âI care about you, Dorothea,â he says before anything else, the one point he refuses to argue. âWho else was I supposed to ask?â He places his hands on her waist, drifting down to settle on the satisfying swell of her hips. âDonât tell me you regret coming.â He wouldnât blame her for it, though. This whole weekend has been a dive into the deep end.
âI donât,â she says. âItâs just⊠You get in your own way all the time, and I worry Iâm enabling that.â
Whatâs happening? âYouâre not. Youâre doing the opposite, if anything.â Sheâs always pushed him to be better, made him think about the world differently, acted as a hard check to his crippling self-pity. Itâs like the lack of stakes emboldens them, makes them more honest. He understands thatâs not how itâs meant to workâbut if thereâs one thing Dorothea and Sylvain have in common, itâs unconventionality.
After a moment of thought he realizes: she isnât just talking about this weekend. Thereâs more to the issue than her helping him pull off their biggest ruse yetâitâs about being too available and understanding him too well, killing his motivation to try going out with anyone else. How many people has he hooked up with in the past six months, compared to a year ago? Far fewer, because heâs had Dorothea as an optionâbecause sheâs one long talk away from becoming his actual girlfriend.
And would that really be so bad? Not having to pretend anymore?
âSylvain?â
Heâs stopped moving. The reception carries on without them, oblivious to the crisis heâs having, shifted into a parallel dimension. âWe should get a drink,â he says, when what he really means is we should talk, but he knows the havoc those three little words can wreak. Maybe he can work up the courage to tell her what heâs actually thinking, or ask her the question he knows will ruin everything.
Dorothea blinks, confused. âI meanâsure. Yes.â She takes a small step back and the tight bubble theyâve been hiding in pops, the low hum of the crowd crescendoing into a roar. âI need to swing by the restroom, anyway. Meet me at the bar?â
âSounds good.â
They part ways at the edge of the dance floor; Sylvain saunters over to the bar and takes a seat, resting his elbows on the counter. He thinks: about what heâs going to say, how heâs going to say it, why heâs taking the risk of imploding his entire friendship with Dorothea. Whether he really wants more or if heâs just letting the pressure get to him.
âSylvain Gautier. Fancy running into you.â
Snapped out of his trance, he turns to find Connor Pryderi approaching the counter. He doesnât have the honor of being the last person Sylvain wants to speak to right nowâthat goes to his dear mother and fatherâbut he ranks at a comfortable third place on the list. An undeserved placement, heâll acknowledge thatâDorothea can talk to anyone she wants. Hell, he encouraged her too. But unwarranted jealousy flares in Sylvainâs chest anyway.
âHello, Connor,â he says with a small wave. âLong time no see.â
Pryderi slides down onto the stool next to him, the one heâs been saving for Dorothea. âTwo gin and tonics, please,â he says to the bartender.
Sylvain tenses. âOh, you donât have toââ
âCome on. We used to drink them all the time back in school, didnât we? Indulge my nostalgia for a moment. Itâs a wedding.â
Sylvain holds his tongue, even though he hates gin. In truth, whenever his classmates had been sneaking alcohol into the dorms, heâd fixed himself a glass of soda water and lemon so they wouldnât give him shit. At the time, the smell of liquor made him think of his brother, and Miklan had always been an angry drunk. Sylvain could be, too, if he wasnât careful.
But Sylvain is always more careful than anyone expects him to be.
âSo,â Connor begins, tapping his fingers against his glass. âHowâs Enbarr treating you? Iâve heard the party scene in Adrestia is wild.â
âIt can be,â Sylvain says with a sigh. âIâm not as tuned into the latest trends as I used to be. The restaurants, on the other hand, are absolutely stellar. I started a food blog on the side to keep track of everything.â At this point heâs considering making a job out of it. It would certainly beat what he currently does, running editorial for a financial journal that heâs certainly only hired him because of his family name.
âThat must come in handy for date night.â
Of course. This entire conversation is a ploy to learn more about Dorotheaâhis girlfriend, as far as Pryderi is concerned, but apparently nothing is sacred. His mother isnât the only one calling bullshit on his ability to hold a relationship. âIt certainly doesnât hurt.â
âI have to ask: how the hell did you land an opera singer?â
Sylvain takes a sip of his drink, managing not to make a face at the bitter taste. âActive listening and basic observational skills go a long way.â
Pryderi rolls his eyes. âVery funny. Though I suppose itâs better to ask what made a guy like you decide it was time to get serious. Inquiring minds want to know.â
More like the gossip mill needs grist to grind, and Sylvain has no intention of making more trouble for either of them. âWeâre still feeling it out.â
âRight,â Pryderi murmurs. âThatâs why you brought her to a wedding and introduced her to your parents. Which Iâm sure went great. Theyâve always been known for their accepting nature.â
This has to be the most inopportune time for them to have this conversation. âAre you here to catch up, or just piss me off?â
âWoah, easy,â Pryderi says, holding his hands up in a way that reminds Sylvain far too much of himself. âI was just curious.â
Reel it in. Donât lose your temper. âAbout me, or my girlfriend?â Sylvain asks. âI saw you chatting her up last night.â But she spent the night with Sylvain, something heâs trying very hard not to mention. It would be childishâmore so than whateverâs happening right now, anyway.
âItâs called mingling, Gautier. We talked about her theater work.â He leaned in closer, his voice dropping low. âThough if you ask me, I think she might have been turning on the charm just a bit⊠Maybe think about that before you go to all the trouble of getting your parents on-board with your relationship. How do you know sheâs not using you? A girl like herâŠâ
Sylvain stands up, hands curling into fists despite his best efforts to remain composed. Never mind that Dorothea probably was flirting with the guy; itâs the sneering way he says a girl like her that really drives him up the wall. âIâd stop talking if I were you, Pryderi. Dorothea Arnault has more integrity in her little finger than you have in your whole damn body.â
Thereâs no stopping this; the words have to come out. âSince you insist on knowing my business,â he continues, âsheâs one of the few people in the world who actually sees me for who I amâcertainly the only one in this room. More importantly, I love her, and I might even marry her if sheâll have me, my parentsâ opinions be damnedââ
He comes to an abrupt haltânot just because the words I love her have registered in his brain several seconds too late, but because Connor Pryderi is looking not at him but beyond him. Sylvain glances over his shoulder and his heart drops into his stomach.
âThea. Hey.â
She looks like sheâs seen a ghost. Her eyes are the tiniest bit puffy; did she redo her makeup? And more to the point:
âYou heard all that, didnât you,â he says.
She gives a slow nod, her lower lip quivering. âYou⊠You loveâ?â
Itâs probably trueâsome part of him understands it is, anyway. He didnât expect it to come out like this, dropped in an impulsive burst of indignation. But if he denies it now, if he takes it back⊠Heâll never have this chance again. And thatâs assuming she isnât about to shoot him down, because unlike him sheâs managed to remember that this is a game.
âI need to go,â she says, before bolting out of the room.
â
Ten Minutes Earlier
âGet it together,â Dorothea mutters to herself, knuckles white as she grips the sink countertop. Her vision blurs, stubborn tears sticking in her lashes, threatening to turn her face into a watercolor painting.
This is a mess. She should have known better, should have stayed home in Enbarr and left Sylvain to deal with his own damn problems. Instead her stomach is churning like a turbulent sea, her dinner threatening to come back up and ruin the stupidly swanky bathroom. Yes, sheâs going to be sickâappalled by herself, by the strange lovestruck girl staring back at her in the mirror.
Itâs not love. Itâs insanity, itâs self-annihilation, itâs an incurable mind virus worming its way through her brain like a song on repeat. Itâs Sylvain clinging to her in his sleep, taking her hand without thinking, begging her for a good luck kiss that has no right blowing her away as much as it did.
She replays their conversation on the dance floor, retracing her steps trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. Was there a point where she could have prevented this, or has she been doomed from the start?
The door to the bathroom clicks open, the music blaring on the other side for a brief moment before itâs replaced by giggles echoing off the tiled walls. Dorothea allows herself one tiny sniffle, dabbing at her face with a tissue before Elaine and Valeriya stop beside her at the counter. âDorothea!â the latter says, a bottle of lipstick in her hand. âWe meet again.â
âSo we do,â Dorothea murmurs, digging around in her purse for her eyeliner pen. Their dinner conversation had been pleasant enough, if unremarkable. Sheâd been far too preoccupied with Sylvain, who could barely look the other two women in the eye, his head in the clouds like it had been since the afternoon. It wasnât until heâd asked her to dance that she caught glimpses of his usual bright self peeking out, his smile like a sliver of warm sunlight.
No. She canât dedicate any more half-baked poetry to Sylvain Gautier. Itâs already bad enough that his simple little âI care about youâ is on a loop in her head, mashed up with last nightâs âIâm glad youâre here.â Simple words are already tripping her up plenty. Sheâs supposed to be good at this; sheâs supposed to be immune. Sheâs supposed to take her own advice and stop getting in her own damn way.
âBy the way,â Elaine starts, still powdering her nose, âIâm not sure if you heard, but the bride is about to throw the bouquet.â She waggles her eyebrows up and down. âIn case that interests you.â
On any other day, sheâs sure it would. âOh, Iâll be skipping that,â she says. The chances of her catching it are low anyway, but she knows itâll drive her off the deep end on the off chance she does. Best to just abstain.
Clearly thatâs not the answer Valeriya and Elaine wanted to hear. âWhat?â the former gasps. âYou do know how the tradition works, right?â
âWell aware. Itâs just not my thing.â A bold-faced lie. Dorothea spent much of her adolescence dreaming of catching bouquets, planning her hypothetical storybook wedding and chasing her fairytale ending. Sheâs tempered her expectations as sheâs gotten older, or she believed she hadâbut now sheâs reminded of the beautiful arrangement of peonies the bride had in her hands, the entire grand ensemble and the small swell of hope sheâd felt in her chest.
She absolutely canât deal with that right now.
âA shame,â Elaine says. âI wouldâve rooted for youâif only to see the look on Amelie Gautierâs face.â
The thought entertains Dorothea for a brief moment, before Sylvain inevitably butts in and ruins all her fun. Which would be worse: him brushing it off, or him getting that sad wistful look in his eyes, the one sheâd seen more times this weekend than in her entire time of knowing him?
Again, it doesnât matter. Sheâs already caught feelings; she doesnât need to catch anything else. âIâll observe from a safe distance. Really.â
âWell, if you insistâŠâ They give her a fluttering wave as they exit the restroom, already chattering away about something Dorothea canât make out.
She turns back to the mirror one more time. Her eyelinerâs redone and sharper than ever. The dress she splurged on looks amazing on her. Sheâs in Derdriu, the most perfect city in FĂłdlan. She isnât allowed to feel sorry for herself. âGet it together,â she says again. âGet over him.â
She marches out the door, back into the fray. Itâs a short walk to the bar, and she spots Sylvainâs fiery hair from a mile away. The man heâs talking to takes a second to register before she identifies Connor Pryderi, her instinct demanding caution. Sylvainâs back is to her, but she can tell heâs tenseâespecially so when he rises to his feet, looming over Connor. It occurs to her she should announce herself; instead she pauses, close enough now that she can make out what Sylvainâs saying.
âDorothea Arnault has more integrity in her little finger than you have in your whole damn body.â
The air goes out of her lungs. Whatâs happening?
âSince you insist on knowing my business,â he continues, his voice full of tempered fury. âSheâs one of the few people in the world who actually sees me for who I amâcertainly the only one in this room. More importantly, I love her, and I might even marry her if sheâll have me, my parentsâ opinions be damnedââ
No. No no noâ
She tries to take a breath, but itâs like her throat has closed up. Sylvain turns around, face pale with shock, his brows knit together. âThea,â he says, all his fervor extinguished. âHey.â He holds up an unsteady hand; behind him, Connor Pryderi is looking like he wants to be anywhere but here. A sentiment Dorothea can relate to.
âYou heard all that, didnât you,â Sylvain sighs out.
All she can do is nod, trying to shake herself out of it. âYouâŠâ Her throat aches; her body has gone numb. âYou loveâ?â
Forget catching a bouquet. This is so much worse.
âI need to go,â she says, running faster than she ever has in her life.
â
The next few minutes pass in a blur. Sylvain is torn between chasing after Dorothea and giving her space, the latter winning out when he remembers that he has a knack for making everything worse. Pryderi makes himself scarce, too, leaving him alone with the bartender, who maintains an expression so impeccably neutral that Sylvain can only imagine what manner of ridiculousness he witnesses on a regular basis. He almost wants to ask for the guyâs top ten juiciest wedding stories.
But even that isnât enough to distract him from how badly heâs fucked up. He has to do something, soonâprobably something as simple as talking to her, but right now they may as well speak different languages. Of all the things he could have loudly announcedâhe loves her? Thatâs as much news to him as it is to her.
Thereâs a soft tapping sound to his right, the clinking of ice in a glass. âLiquid courage?â the bartender asks, and Sylvain squints bleary-eyed at what looks like a tequila sunrise. âYou seem like a fruity drink kind of guy,â he adds with a shrug.
âThanks,â Sylvain murmurs, coaxing the straw into his mouth as he begins strategizing.
He needs to go in with a plan, some idea of what heâs going to say. Apologize, first of all, tell her they can forget any of this happened if thatâs what she wants. Itâs not what he wants, heâs realizing more and more as the liquor in his glass dwindles down. Should he tell her that? It would certainly be worse to have said âI love youâ if he hadnât meant it, right?
But whatâs he supposed to do when she tells him she doesnât feel the same? Is he supposed to argue, fight for her, prove himself? To his embarrassment, heâs never been through this before. Usually heâs given up by now.
âI think your mother is headed this way,â the bartender says flatly.
âMy cue to leave, then,â Sylvain chirps, dropping a twenty dollar bill on the counter and hightailing it out of the venue.
He checks the hotel lounge first, then the lobby; when that proves fruitless, he rides the elevator up to their suite, which is also empty. âDammit,â he mutters, swinging by the kitchenette and pouring himself a glass of waterâitâs going to be a long night. Thereâs a breeze coming in through the bedroom, where the balcony door swings ajar. Sylvain welcomes the prospect of fresh air, fishing his phone from his pocket before stepping out.
The line rings once, twice, then goes to voicemail. Figures. He shoots her a quick and easy text: âSorry I ruined your night. Whenever youâre ready to talk, let me know. Iâm here.â A very reasonable-sounding message that doesnât reflect the dire state heâs in at all.
For the second time he sets his elbows on the railing, gaze sweeping across the Aquatic City. On his good days, when he can picture himself living that long, Sylvain often imagines retiring out here, maybe buying a boat. Itâs a pretty fantasy, particularly appealing when he knows he has to go back to Faerghus at some point, that Enbarr is only a temporary home. Fleeting, but that doesnât mean the relationships heâs made there have to be.
Goddess, he really canât lose Dorothea. Heâs not sure if he can go back to being friendsâjust friends, no extra frills to tempt him withânow that he knows how he feels about her. If she, in all likelihood, canât return them, he might have to leave Adrestia altogether. Sell all his shit, abandon Enbarr, shut down his beloved little food blog. Live as a hermit on a mountain somewhere for a couple years.
Maybe he doesnât need to wait until he retires to get a taste of what living in Derdriu is like. Itâs not like he canât afford rent. He can take up cycling, scope out all the best outdoor cafes, spend his afternoons walking along the pierâ
Wait. The pier. The famous pier, beloved by romantics the world over, an answer staring him right in the face.
Dorothea could be anywhere in this city. He could spend all night searching. Or he could be some combination of clever and lucky, and hope she wants to be chased down.
He rushes out the door, down the elevator and through the lobby. Thereâs not much reason to run, but he canât help the adrenaline in his veins; the pier isnât far, maybe ten minutes on foot, and he cuts it down to seven by sprinting like a madman.
The place is still lively, if not as packed as it was during the day, a good number of the afternoon stalls closed up. Sylvain slows down to a gentle stroll, passing couples and groups of friends as he goes. He checks the famous photo spot first, but thereâs no trace of her; he treks all the way to the end of the pier, where the illuminated frame of the ferris wheel looms overhead.
There, not ten paces ahead, staring up at the massive structure, is the woman heâs looking for.
âDorothea.â
She doesnât acknowledge him right away, though heâs certain she heard him. She shifts back and forth on the balls of her feet, sways side to side. Itâs an agonizing wait, but Sylvain is patientâconfident sheâll turn around. When she does, the multicolored lights cast a dreamy filter over her, the flowing fabric of her dress giving her an ethereal quality.
He takes a step forward with all the caution he might use for a skittish horse. Then another, two more, three. âI owe you anââ
âStop.â
His nerves spike. Is she going to send him packing after he came all this way?
Dorothea strides forward until thereâs no more than a foot between them, her arms folded across her chest. Once again Sylvain waits; he confessed, she fled, he pursued. Itâs her move.
âSo,â she starts, chewing her bottom lip. âYou love me?â
A smile stretches across his face. He thought this would be far more frighteningâbut now that heâs here, now that heâs looking at her and she isnât immediately shutting him down, he thinks maybe this can end happily. âAs far as Iâm aware, yes.â
She pouts, eyes narrowing. âAs far as youâre aware.â She reaches up, her hands framing his face, the pad of her thumb barely skimming the corner of his mouth. âSay it again. Properly, so I can answer.â
âOf course.â Sylvain flutters his lips, laying his own hands atop hers, palms pressed into knuckles. He takes a deep breath, getting as much air into his lungs as possible. âI love you, Dorothea,â he sighs out; itâs much better saying it the second time, now that he has his intended audience in front of him. âI know it wasnât what we agreed on. I know I promised it wouldnât happen. Iââ
âI love you, too, you know-it-all idiot,â she cuts in, a righteous edge to her declaration. He wouldnât have it any other way. âYouâre insufferable, and moody, and you always take things a step too far.â
His face warms. âLike right now?â
âLike this entire weekend, Sylvain.â
âMm. Fair.â Heâs already heard what he needed to; everything else is a bonus, a case of him humoring her. âI accept your judgment,â he adds, followed by a pregnant pause. ââŠThis is the part where you highlight my good qualities, I believe.â
âWeâll be here forever if I do that.â
âAll Iâm hearing is an excuââ
She pops onto her toes and kisses him, her lips unbearably soft; she roots her fingers in his hair and gives him a rough tug, hungry, two eager mouths throwing all pretense out the window. Dorothea lets out a ragged gasp when they part, sending a shiver down Sylvainâs spine; it becomes a low, happy whine when he moves back in to kiss the space just below her ear, nestling his face in the crook of her neck and holding her steady when her knees buckle.
âSylââ
âAre you sure?â he breathes, the world catching up to him. âAfter everything youâve seen with my family?â Itâs foolish to ask, but he canât help it; itâs his eternal instinct to question a good thing. âAfter everything you know about me?â
âDonât make me repeat myself,â she whispers, coiling her arms around his waist. âIâve dealt with enough bullshit in the past thirty-six hours to last me a month.â
He hums in understanding. âYouâre right. Maybe itâs about time we both start choosing to be happyâwhatever that happens to look like.â
They untangle themselves from each other, standing hand in hand. Dorothea smirks as she wets her thumb and wipes what Sylvain assumes is a smudge of her lipstick off his face. âI can think of a few ideas,â she says. âSome good starting points, anyway.â
One thing was certain: they were both happy to stop pretending.